Suspended in the Lost Dimension

Sometimes I feel like I should write.

Just write. And keep writing.

But I feel my mind is empty

Devoid of emotions

Emotions which help phrase the words

I feel numb at the place where my brain should be

I read my old verse, and I cannot recognize or remember the girl who wrote them.

I feel numb

I feel a lot of things, none are healthy or positive

I feel like I am trapped in my mind, and there are no words in the dictionary which can release me.

I feel like I am stuck and my legs are rigid, I want to run, but I can’t move,

I want to fly, but I can’t move, I want to change but I can’t move

I just want to breathe but I can’t move

I want, I want, I want, but am unable to, something invisible has caught me,

And keeping me in a place which is neither beautiful nor peaceful.

I feel numb where I suppose to feel, and I feel too much where I am supposed to be numb.

Suspended in the lost dimension.

!!! Dont be you !!!

Find, find a suitor
No, don't find it yourself
Let us do that for you
No, we will not find it for you
We will find it for the one
Who we want to portray as you

Find, find a suitor
No, not for You
But the you, we approve
Shed away, the kilos
Shed away, the likes
Shed away, the smile
Shed away, the curves
Shed away, the dislikes
Shed away, the strength
Shed away, the values
Shed away, the pillars
Shed away, the beliefs
Shed away, the habits
Shed away, the food
Shed away, the drinks
Shed away, the passion
Shed away, the brains
Shed away, don't show
Shed away, and hide

Shed away that makes you, you
Make yourself the need of others
And hope you find the 'perfect' suitor
Who compliments the way you are
No, not You
The one we want to portray as you..!

Writer - Single Soul

!!! Down The Lane !!!

A flicker of emotion,

A view that brings the feeling of Déjà vu,

A word, a look, a conversation

So many things, such little things,

Pushing you down to the huge landscapes of memory lane,

Feeling my heart full,

While looking at the drizzle outside my window,

I acknowledged all the memories, resurfacing,

Time stops, as I stay at the same spot at my window

But my mind travels, months, years, decades back

How I yearned to look at the brightest spot,

The one I always found in the kitchen of my old house,

Every morning, as my mom scutter around it,

How I yearned to come back to that small place I called home,

My mom kept it like heaven, waiting with a cup of tea

When I entered the house, hose down from rains,

How I yearned, to touch the softness of her wrinkles

Grace my hand on her hand, on her face

How I yearned to kiss her forehead again,

While she lay watching her favourite TV,

How I yearned to feel the coolness of the marbles,

Beneath my calf, as I spent lazy summer afternoons with my parents,

How I yearned to be able to dust away the years on yet another book,

From my grandfather’s collection and smell the old pages,

As my father tells me yet another instance

Of the love of books my grandfather nurtured,

How I yearned to feel the joy of my darling pet

Whenever I come home after a long absence,

The unconditional love he graces me with every single time,

He teaches me about relationships more than any human I know.

How I yearned to spend another night

Cuddled with my family in long summer nights

In overly cold room, cooled by the cooler

When air conditioning was far beyond the means,

How I yearned to feel his love again in my heart, in my bones,

As he protect me from the frowns of my parents,

Mischievousness & wrong doing's of my cousins

And unprecedented taunts of relatives,

How I yearned to ask him to borrow his big dial watch once again

I yearn for him every time I buy a watch till today,

None matches the warmth of his old cold steel,

Flashing on my tiny wrist, while I pretend to be someone big

How I yearned for all those lost years,

When we all could have been together,

When we could  have more time with one another,

Time we lost, trying to do the right thing,

Looking at the window, I realise something

I have everything I want,

I have it in me to get everything I desire

But, what I really need is already behind me.

!!! Lucky One !!!

You look at me and think

Am the lucky one

I have the best hair

The best watch,

The rich dress 

You are wrong

Don't you see my empty fingers

You look at me and think

Am the lucky one

I have the bling

Dangling from my ears 

Draped around my neck

Wrapped around my fingers 

You are wrong 

Don't you see my hollow eyes

You look at me and think

Am the lucky one

Without the care in the world

Having one Lager after another

Laughing as if there is no tomorrow

Sharing one story after another

You are wrong

Don't you  see my stories have no end

You look at me and think

Am the lucky one

I have the great job

The big bucks

Having the time of life

Living in my own world 

Roaming in horizons unexplored 

Don't you see I walk the road alone!

You look at me and think

Am the lucky one

I have the world at my palm

Can't you see am just a girl in a box!

Written by - the girl in the city!

!!! Ephemeral You !!!

Words stuck in the depths of my mind

If I could catch one, to create possibilities divine

Roaming around the corners of my subconscious

Ransacking neurons to find the story so precious

When I look at the old verses,

The journey I had taken, rehashes  

They reflect that time, when the girl I was

Somehow I just cannot find her

Life wasn't the bowl of cherries at that time

Yet, it brought the poet in me alive

Though I never want to travel back

But it gave me the grounding that I once lacked

Only recently I realised,

Sand flows faster, tighter the grip

The phases of you will come and go in a fit

Scattering everlasting impressions in your life,

Move, Move on, leave it and let go,

Only today needs to be cherished for what it holds!

Written By - My Grudge That I Refuse to Drop!

!!!Drink Your Feelings!!!

Gulp away the ephemeral moods,

Feel the agony of burning esteem,

Moving in the high of self-deception,

Glorifying in the internal ramification,

When world stand stills and you are reeling,

That’s when you know you are high on your feelings!

!!! Clean Slate !!!

I have seen the good, the desperate and the bad

Seen the drowned and the aloof

The convenience and the obligations

Nothing is even nearest to the expectation

View of such collaboration

Should be nothing less than celebration

Bonds wrapped around with respect

Unconditional support without introspect

Sight beholding entire universe

Caress soothing away the curse

Presence that ignites the soul

Feeling consumes whole

Obsessing unto sanity

Losing into the clarity

Interdependence of freedom

Leading to conquering kingdoms

Protect the forsaken

Catching the fallen

Holding what is owned

Finally a place to belong!

Where to find, what it will take

To start everything with a clean slate!

Written by - Seventeen year old Faith

!!! Tell Me My Story !!!

Look around, searching, hunting,

Things you know nothing about,

This world is governed by conventional

Suffocating, twirling around in limited dimension

Fighting for the space in this crowd

Where you can spread your wings around

May be someone will move to make space

Willingly, to give the presence you crave

Curious on the concept of miracles

Holding the left over of the imaginations

Tip toeing around the karmic interventions

Waiting, to be searched and found

Pondering on times cruelty,

Asking the unknown about

Where exactly to, in final story

Hoping, the one find its way back to me

Before we loose and become history.

Written By - Ritika Patel

!!! Evanescence !!!

They say moving ahead is all anyone can ever do. Its good, its positive and it keeps you hopeful. But life as I know it, it might look like we are making a choice but the truth of the life is that there is no other option with us than moving on. You have power to stop nothing, you may physically standstill but you cannot not stop time, you cannot stop the sunrise or sunsets, the laws of science or whatever is they call it will catch up with you, and you will have to keep moving, even if you think you aren't, you will still be withering away.

As I stand at the end of my twenties, my mind is in whirlwind of thoughts, each thought taking me down memory lane, some of it I didn't even realized I remember until recently, flashbacks so powerful, as if something is coming to an end, what exactly, I don't know, may be I am just being overly melodramatic about aging, that's the only plausible explanation I can give to myself so that I can remain sane until all of this gets over.

Only way I can handle these turbulent emotions, is by doing the only thing I do to handle everything else. I write.

I do come across as an extrovert, a peoples' person, but I know in hearts of heart, if given a choice I may never step out of my cocoon ever, given the fact I do not like ninety nine percent of the people I meet and interact with on daily basis. The biggest reason of the same is because in all my life I have never met a person who would not spend his life and words proving the correctness of his thoughts, his opinion, his way of life and living, or how very humble and good they are, either by rubbing it in your face, or being pitiful in order for you to sympathize with them by telling them that they are doing the best they could. In all my life I haven't met a single person who would come and say that they are not good people. Why I am writing about this, is coz recently though, I do understand why, exactly why sometimes a room full of people might make you feel like the only person in the room.

Looking back at the years I have lived, I know now, I am not a good person, nor am I bad. I am not humble nor boastful, neither honest nor a liar, am not someone with a heart of gold not exactly possessing a black heart either.  I have shades, so many of them that it becomes difficult for me to hold all of my self in my own mind sometimes, shades, many of which does not make me proud.
Truth remains I am a complicated individual, too far away from simplicity. I understand the meaning of being content, but still I want everything reasonable/unreasonable. I lived in my own world since the time I remember. I am a perfectionist who is not perfect, strong minded individual with lack of perseverance, as deep as shallow, full of hang ups, full of grudges,feelings like empathy, forgiveness, humbleness, kindness, doesn't come easily to me. I have had my heart broken more times I could count, and yet I fail to learn from it and many more darker, deeper shades that makes the bigger part of my being, that people around me know not of.
So when you look back at twenty something years of your life, look back at all the things you wanted to do but did not pursue, look back at the things you did do which doesn't make sense any more,  look back and realize you do not recognize the person you have been, or you have not been even an ounce of what you wanted. I wonder now, what exactly does it say about you?

Written By - Shade of Me

!!! First Derby !!!

Loneliness is a bitch. Especially when you are surrounded with friends, acquaintances, couples, food, variety of people and even bigger variety of beers. It starts to creep somewhere at the back of your mind and before you know it; it engulfs all your senses. You are talking, but you cannot listen anything, you are looking at people, but not able to see anything, you are surrounded by deafening music but yet silence is all you feel, you are moving with the music but after sometime you realize you are moving with the train of your over powering thoughts instead.

For the first time in your life you find yourself at the Derby, a laid back enthusiasm hovers in the stands, where some are busy deciding their next bet, others hogging on to the delicacies being served during and in between the races.  But all you can see is the way jockey pushes and pushes his horse to win, all you feel is a dull ache somewhere at the center of your being, realizing that something in you does not agree with what you are watching. Although the crowds’ deafening roar erupting to cheer their respective numbers, brings you back a bit from all your mulling, yet you fail to either participate or to understand the necessity of the entire act.

While you are trying to be acceptable with the fact that you are already stuck at the stand for next couple of hours so you might try to behave “not bothered or bored” and simultaneously trying to make an acquaintance understand that why you don’t buy animal prints or ride them, exactly in that moment one of the horses collapses just couple of yards before the finishing line, and you experience something which the people in general describes as “having your breathe caught in your throat”. With zillion experiences which can make your breathe caught in your throat, you would have never picked this one even if you have exhausted your chances of choosing all others. You stand there frozen, trying hard to make the sense of words spoken by the commentator, when he announces that the horse has just suffered a sudden heart attack. All the others who have betted on the number printed on the cover draped across that horse's back, are frustrated over the fact they lost their money, you look around to see if anyone, even one of them, is talking about that living thing that is now lieing on the ground still as a stone.

The moment is passed, the animal is taken away, and the races continue as if nothing happened. You too mingle with the expected, eating, drinking, chatting, dancing, trying your best to be social. 

Although the race course is closed and the party has began you see then very clearly that they are all in derby in their own minds competing with self on endless dimensions.

Somewhere in middle of all these, you look around and find yourself disconnected with everything, asking yourself one question you end up asking every single day, “what the hell are you doing here”, “why are you even here”. Just like that the auto pilot mode is switched off, and the feeling creeps in somewhere at the back of your mind, gradually engulfing you, making you want to turn around and keep walking, yet your social manners shackles you to the spot.

Even with the day spent the way it was spent, the only truly enjoyable thing you remember doing is the walk you took at the end of the night in pouring down rain, getting soaked to your skin as you walk towards your car instead of running and somehow that ten minutes’ walk becomes the highlight of your day, with every step the rain washes off, the talks, the music, the pretense, the dense fog of escapism and the clutter of boxed emotions. The feeling that has engulfed you isn’t bothering you anymore; it has grounded you instead, making you whole.

Written By – Ritika Patel