Holding on to the broken ends,
you wonder how long you will be able to stand.
Hours of edginess, the needling pain in your heart,
counting hours in minutes,
waiting for this feeling to pass.
No matter how bad you try to save a relationship,
it’s pointless when the one you are saving it for, is already "Lost".
You cry you beg, you forgive, you initiate, you loose yourself trying to find the long forgotten moments. You question everything, you revise every moment every talk in your head trying to figure out the first signs of breaking apart, your teary vision blurs the past too. You are left with endless hours of thinking, pondering, blaming, asking, and praying. Completely baffled you break apart even before the relationship could.
You ask the person hundred times, to tell why, when & why. Knowing perfectly well the mute silence which is going to welcome you in place of answers. The constant lies and hiding makes you wonder that – did the relationship you are trying to save ever existed or not? Finally you find yourself in darkness with silence tearing your ears apart.
But what happened next depends completely and totally upon your perspective. What do you want to do? Do you want to sulk in the dark or do you want to get up and search for the first ray of light which could direct you to the pathway of freedom. Do you want to keep begging for the answers full of lies and pretence and keep pretending that down the line things are going to be ok or do you want to find the courage to make it “ok” for “yourself”.
You won’t realize in your insanity but when you think you are stuck in the dark you will find the first light of rays, not in your solitude but in the eye of the liar and you will understand that light was there from the first lie, first insult, first fight, and first aloofness.
It will be hard and it will break you and it will drive you completely insane. But isn’t it anytime better than being with a person who doesn’t appreciate your energy, time and feelings gone on the hopeless relationship. So, get a hang on yourself, believe in yourself and hold on to your inner faith which will come on to you the moment you take a break and step back and try to look at the bigger picture.
You will understand where you did wrong, where you made a fool of yourself and trust me after a point of time you will be able to laugh on yourself for all the silliness you did and you never understood. Hold on to the people who really care for you and not the one who changes with the arrival of dawn and comes back in dusk. But those who will stand by you even if you plan to stand on the edge of the mountain peak for the rest of your life.
And when you make your self capable of these feelings you will be able to feel the wings of freedom making you lighter every moment. Still, You will cave to the throbbing pain which will be very frequent first but will diminish with time but you have to remember the past for the moments like this remember the way you were treated, remember the tears dropped unnoticed and insulted, remember the way you lost your self and compare it with this feeling of lightness & self discovery and you will see what is worth holding on to.
“Love is greatest of all, but only when your first love is “You””.
Written by – Ritika Patel
Hope you find your wings too !!