!!! Reasons to Smile !!!

Getting off the swing
I turned around
I felt like choking
Looking for my teddy on the ground

I haven’t lost a thing ever
How can I lose my favorite teddy
Is it god teaching me a lesson?
Oh, my smile has lost all reasons!!

In the haste of finding my teddy
I lost my friend too
She was there when my teddy was there
Now she is gone too
Oh, I hate this spring season
It made my smile lose all reason

From the corner of my eye I caught her view
Carrying my favorite candy
Glowing as a drop of dew
Handing the candy in my hand
She pointed the little child sitting on the path
She urged me to do something which I can’t
Nevertheless I did it as she was my best friend

Giving my candy to the little child
I turned around to look at her and Sigh!!
I felt something as he caught my hand
Looking in his eyes I can see the feeling of thanks!!

I did something which I thought I lost
I couldn’t help my lips turning into a curve
You have to make your own reasons, I learned
And so your smile will never be lost.

I blinked my eyes, to clear my vision
Looking at the broken swing;
Remembering the past I sat below the old tree,
That was when I was five; I still don’t feel fifty,
Since then I have a list of things I lost,
Some were priceless-
And many things- which do have a cost,

But every time I lose something
I become sure that this moment is last
And then I turn a corner from my home
There it is the shop of my favorite candy bar

Smile is not a person; smile is not a thing,
Smile is definitely not a season,
Nor it is a feeling
Smile is a proof of your liveliness,
Proof that you still can feel,

My poem will look like a story of fiction
But trust me smile does not need a reason
Though it is fiction but it is also true,
Smile for your self, the reason is You.

Written By - Ritika Patel

!!! Love Bore Envy !!!

I looked out of my window
Remembering the past
Lips turning into a smile
People watching me, are aghast
Oh, how I love to see envy in their eyes

With you as I see now
My life seems to be a dancing floor
You moved with my every move
With every flip n turn,
Only Happiness you bestowed
So, I kept asking more

With you as I see now
My life seems to be a holiday on a cruise
Standing hand in hand below the moon
I know I have nothing to loose
You moved a strand of hair away from my face
I realized again, it’s me who you will always choose

With you as I see now
My life seems to be my bestseller book
Story of happiness, motivation and love
Something that every one can relate to
Reading the success of my life, “you”
Lost in past, Lips turning into smile
Oh how I love to see envy in their eyes

But they don’t know
My smile is neither for the past
Nor for present
I am smiling thinking of the end

Without you as I see now
My life will be of a pedestrian
With a path which is lost,
A stem of thorns
Ending without a rose,
My road will be of succession
Moving ahead but without any passion

Without you as I see now
I will only spend my evenings
Thinking what I have
And what all is missing.

Lost in your thoughts,
Lips turning into smile,
They would think, it can't be true
Such happiness is not life’s virtue
She has to be full of lies
Oh!! How I love to see envy in their eyes!!!

Written by – Ritika Patel

!!! The Winner Stands Alone !!!

Clutching their fingers
I learned the first step
Knocking with my fist
I waited at the doorstep

They were my support
The jury of my court
My future, my nurturers
But the knocking fist is banging now
And am still waiting at the doorstep

I am a part of you I shouted
Then why are you blinded-
To my pains and feelings ,
While it is not the same for my sibling

I want answers to my agony
All I wanted from you
was a proof of my existence,
I added meekly

Please open the door
Don’t let me drown
Help me come to the shore
I am as yours
As the rest of them’
I can give you more
More than the others claim

Let me into your beliefs
I will be the happiest
Even if for you
I will have to climb cliffs

Please look at me
I am capable and I am deserving,
Not of your hatred
Neither of your undermining

One day I will be the happiest
I will be the richest
I will be successful
I will be blissful

Even if you will deny
For the rest of your lives
I will still be touching heights.
So don’t you abhor,
Don’t you let the winner stand alone!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! The Lost Battle !!!

I thought it was mine
That’s why my days shine
But every time i try and hold it
I am left with the tits and bits

I let my happiness show
I don’t want to hide the glow
When I had you
The time just blew
But its time for adieu

Because every time I hold it
I am left with tits and bits
I thought you were mine
And you are here to stay
But its time for adieu
And I don’t know how to say

I thought my stars are shining down
But I forgot my past so renowned
Whenever I have tried to hold it
I am left with the tits and bits

To me some one once said
Little girl you will be alone ahead
Don’t you play with this sand
It will slip right away from your hand

I sulked and I frowned
Its mine, I am the one with the crown
So, I hold it even tighter
I felt my hand even more lighter
It slipped away, alright !!!
That was years ago I thought
But the past is over
Then why am I still lost.

He kept saying you hold it too tight
Let it be and it might survive
But I refuse to reckoned
And so every thing gradually ended

Hurts I suffered in the past
I never wanted it in my future to last
So every time I lose the sand
I hold it tighter to gain the rest back
And every time I hold it tighter
My experiences became bitterer

More I loose , more I hold
No matter how much I try
It’s out of my control

Because every time I try and hold it
I am always left with the tits and bits
But when I let it be
It never came to me
No matter how much I craved
Disappointments is all what I get

So I hold it with both hands
And loose even more than I can stand…!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! The Wait !!!

I walk less and fall more
Thy makes me suffer to the core
But, every time I stand again
I am much ahead of the previous lane
I use to take life, As one long stroll
But I soon realized- the minute obstacles
And numerous falls

I believe less and question more
There was always a mask of pretence I wore
Hating myself in dark times I moved forth
Diamonds are found midst the coal
Knowing the facts I still get confuse
The rules of the nature
No one can refuse

I live less and crib more
Stuck in the thunderstorm
I keep dreaming the sea shore
In a hurry to reach the bay,
I forgot to live through the way,
On my knees I prayed to thy
Am I not suffering enough?
Thinking that I asked, why?

Do I suffer less and complain more
Looking at me he smiled
He said: “I was expecting you from awhile”
Experiences and strength becomes your pillar
When you suffer
It’s all over the bible
If you would refer

So smile my child
There's more to come,
Wait for the dawn
New day will come.

Been there, said that : Been there, heard that
This play of dusk and dawn I would not understand
It’s my life they play with and this I will not stand

So, I went back to what they refer to dusk
Fight is on but my weapons have rust
But I have to reach the bay
Can’t just sit here and wait for the new day.

So it’s all about what you choose
To complain less and endure more
Is the way of life I chose!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Rendezvous !!!

Tell me what you have for me
For I can’t go forever
My experiences are making me graver
So, tell me what you have for me
Because gone are the days
When the only thing wounded was my knee

Tell me what else I have to see
For I no more want to try
I no more want to cry
I no more want to rely
If you say this is my destiny
I will surely deny

Tell me where I meant to be
Coz, I have dreamt heights for me,
For fall and discouragement
Is not the virtue of my life
With this plan's of thy
I might have strife

Tell me what I will be
For my experiences
Has changed me
Is this how should I be
For my choices are
Questioning the real me

So tell me that this is just the start
The end is yet very far
Tell me the end will be
What I want it to be
For my tears, my cry, my fear
I had over these years
Are not for waste
As it might appear

So let me tell you now
That I will fly high
Once I leave your ground
You will be the one praying to thy
So let me tell you
I am my destiny
For what I am it’s because of you
But what I will be
It will be me.

World is waiting for me
So here I go..... you will see !!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Wish for Destiny !!!

Hope, determination, courage, ambition, People keep saying that never give up your hope or if you are determined you will get it, be ambitious and you will receive what you seek. If all that is true then where is the thing call destiny falls into this jig-saw puzzle? If a mother of a sick child does not give up hope than is there a chance that the sick child will be cured even from a deadly disease like cancer......or is it in his destiny to die? If a person who is receiving series of failure doesn’t give up hope then it means he will succeed. If all that is, is really what actually is, then the “destiny” word should not have originated. But this is what not actually is because there is a thing called destiny, destiny which rules it all.

What if the person having series of failure has failure in store for him for a couple of years , that he is destined to loose but after some time the destiny would change and he will have success aftermath. But then what does really work for him the destiny? Or his hopes and determination? If destiny is already written then the words like hope and courage and determination and faith have been created by us just to keep us going through those turbulent times when destiny plays her cards against us. When our destiny does change the convenient credits are given to the courage that individual has shown during the hard times.

Then why don’t we just let things be sit tight and let destiny take its toll if the times are bad they will be good so just wait for it instead of fighting with the destiny. But we deny completely to believe that the destiny is ruling us all, I mean I could see people joining communities like “I make my own destiny” sort of things. It is because we are so confident of ourselves or just a phrase to hide the frustration and deny the hidden facts of life.

Some people do say that believing the things like destiny and fate can really stop us from doing the real work, Making the real decisions, or making choices, choices which makes us what we are today, people say making choices can change the toll of your life or basically your destiny. If you choose not to give up then one day an opportunity will come your way and you will get what you want but if you just sit there and let destiny do what ever it has planned for you then probably you will just keep waiting in vein.

But what I ask is what if we are not making choices but we are destined to make those choices, what we are is already written in our destiny and you are going through this not because of your good luck or hard work it is there because it was meant to be this way. Then why worry, why wait, why keep blaming your self for not being competent enough in your failures, or not praying enough, or not working enough, when we have control over nothing except ourselves. If your universe is predefined then why not just learn the definition and live peacefully instead of being pain to your self and changing what is never going to change.

I wrote all this probably because I chose to write it or I was destined to scribble my confusion, I don’t know. It’s just not only me but numerous of us who are struggling with this completely baffling funda of life. But yet we get up every morning, pray, move on, work, try and wish. Wish is all we do and all we can ask for…and if they do come true probably it’s your prayers and determination or probably its just destined to be. In the end what matters is that they should come true and sooner or later they always do. So, Lets just wish it’s us and our will and not our destiny that rules. Wish !!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Dreams Are where the Roots Are !!!

First rays of light blinding her eyes, Oh how she loved the mornings! The feeling of damp sand beneath her toes as it imprints her footprints into it. Admiringly she look back tracing the prints from where she had come; smile lit on her face seeing the beautiful play of the morning waves and the way they make all the prints disappear in a single motion of sheer play. She couldn’t trace her way back on the sand but she did saw a small town far away on the other side whose small houses can be barely visible from the naked eyes. But somehow just looking at that blurry scene can make her remember the scent of the sand of that small town, the warmth spreading the small lanes and no matter how loudly these waves scream at her she can still hear the laughter of kids around the corner of her home as they play on the streets.

The splash of a water came as waves hit the nearest rock, bringing her back to the town it belongs to, the anger was apparent and the whispers from the sea “You are here now”, “you are one of us” as they again move back to disappear in the arms of the sea heading backwards far back where stood a bridge which connected the small town to this big town. She remember taking that journey herself when she was walking through that bridge scared of leaving the warmth and love of her people, confused thinking what the big town has in store for her. The long and tiresome journey was full of hatred, frustration, anger, confusion, fear, sadness but at the same time excitement thinking back she wonder how she remained sane enough to cross the journey even with all these flood of emotions. But she did and so did the others who were walking with her, behind her or way ahead of her.

But the journey wasn’t easy not because there were too many people or because she was still alone but because there were too many tears along the way. The helplessness of people, who need to leave their old town to find a better living in the new town. The tears of mothers as they say goodbye to their sons, the helpless but proud eyes of a father as he wave his hand towards his daughter not knowing when the next meeting would be. There were also people who were coming back to the town to meet their people after long time, remembering their faces makes her heart still ache, the confusion and fear has gone now but so is the innocence of their eyes. They all seemed happy to her but their heart hollow. Nevertheless she took the journey and reached the lighting city whose lights were visible from the roof of her home. That was her first step in the big town and since then she is been running the race of the big town lost somewhere in the crowded skyscrapers.

But as these waves, the passer bys, the morning walker or the joggers crosses her thinking that she is one of them, she stood their giving shape to her ever building dreams. Her dreams lay where her roots are, she denies to strip her old town of her childhood memories and wisdom which gave her the place in the big town in the first place. She looks back at the waves looking at them dancing at the sea shore thinking that they have won her over. But they no nothing of her dreams, her ambition, her roots and her life. Because if they have had known she wouldn’t be standing there where she is today. She smiled at the bewildered expression of the ways, slowly she turned and headed right back where she came from as if walking on her own footprints backwards, which were now nowhere to be seen. But she doesn’t need her footprints, because she knows where she belongs, where her wisdom belongs, where her dreams belongs, and slowly her lips whispers “My dreams are where my roots are”.

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Can you say “Sorry” or “Thank You”!!!

Sorry and Thank you…..Two most beautiful words in the world but some how they are the most underused and most feared. Why is it so easy to go on abusing some one who has hurt you to the core but when you are the one delivering the hurtful circumstances You fail to utter a single word of apology. The words with hardly two syllables can take almost 2 centuries before it can drop from your brain to your motor senses but some how it hardly ever reaches to your lips.

Endless night of silence and the numerous days of ignorance seem much easier then looking into the hopeful eyes and saying “I am sorry”. Living with the name tag of being egoistic and arrogant is much more welcomed then just accepting the fact, which you do accept that you are at the fault, which goes on forever and leads you to the dead end. End which is reasoned with the illusion of an escapist calling it as inevitable or over shadowed with the unarguable fact called destiny; conveniently forgetting that a single gesture can bring smiles and break walls and bring happiness and can save relationships from dying.

I don’t understand the fear these word creates. This fear makes the word fear look so meaningless. Not just a simple sorry but even just a simple thank you is so hard to utter. Thanking people in little gestures can actually increase the frequency of those gestures; Thank you is more useful than any expensive gift that can be bought in this world. It can create a moment which could be nurtured through your whole life but somehow people will find it easier to spend countless amount of green papers on materialistic things when the invaluable gift of letting some one know that there presence and gestures are acknowledged and appreciated is present within themselves.

Homo sapiens are the most complex species present on the planet earth. Who said that? A human right! We are the ones who tend to complicate every thing because the moment things start flowing smoothly being the so called “complex species”, we tend to question every thing. Walls of skepticism gets built across every corner and then we look back and say “man life is a struggle”. Of course it is a struggle, struggle of not creating skepticism and struggle for breaking the walls or not creating them in the first place. And the mere acknowledgement that these two words can act as a hammer which can be used to break these walls or they can even erase every skeptical thought makes us run away from them thinking if everything falls into place way too quickly then there would be nothing left to question. So, the more questions you get to ask more satisfied you tend to become from your life… n you keep repeating the mantra “life is difficult” or is it?....think again !!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! The Meet !!!

Tears' sliding slowly from the corner of my eye, laughter which for a long time I denied is now all over the place. I put my cup down in fear of spilling the beverage all over my dress in my bouts of laughter. I was in the company of one of the few with which the “time” just passes by and other times its just stops completely. Fun and fortunate are those few days in the year when you meet your old friends.

The memories just come flooding by and you try and catch on to it one by one. You talk and laugh but still you can hardly hear any one. You sympathizes with someone’s beginning of the story and laugh on some one else’s end of it and every time you meet the story never changes and somehow it can still give you a laugh of your life……..and every time it just all come down to one thing the good “old days”.
College problems or office politics is shoved out of the car because this ride has lot of passengers from the past…….. present and future just does not seem that important now. The first crush, the first orkut crush, those volley ball games of seniors (hope you guys remember), steaming canteen tea, chilled CCD, the college corner hang outs, the examination jitters, the fights, the patch ups, the blunders, the heart breaks, the “group Studies”, the bunks, the classes, the last bencher’s party, the late comers scolding, the confessions, the laughs, the tears, the rains, the winters …..

Trying to relive moment of past years in those three hours…….. The smile never vanishes…. No weighing of words before they are spoken…….. No pondering over thoughts on some thing said casually …… No issues of prejudgments or post judgment ……. These are the faces you grew up with …. People with whom you spent the most precious years of your life…… you share a part of life with them which is at other times is hidden somewhere in you….. the feeling of happiness the heartily smile you share on these occasions is absolutely invaluable…….. and somehow no night outs ….. no fancy restaurants ….. no Saturday night parties or family get together can replace the essence of this meet …..

Slowly or suddenly …..I don’t know but nevertheless the hours come to an end. Time for all of us to go back to the materialistic life…….life which changed since those times……. And somehow you have realized like every one else that life has always been a one way lane…… we part thinking or rather hoping to make a stop like this again and soon. The “meet” is over but we are well aware of the pathway from our seats to the door of the coffee house will create and era of its own.
The last argument on the check payment as usual takes place. “Hey! U just got promoted it should be your treat” ….. “What about you we all missed your birthday so your treat right?”............. then we all looked at each other laughed for the hundredth time and simultaneously reach for our pockets……………Just like old times!!!!!!!!

!!! Dreams that once were !!!

Lying down on the couch,

steaming cup of hot coffee at side,
Dusk making the vision darker and darker,
Looking down at the woods, makes you remember…..

It starts with a milk bottle

with a picture of a cartoon character,
Or a soft toy, or an automatic car toy,

You don’t remember….
But you do remember
That you didn't have it

so he should have it,

Fancy schools, with fancy names,
Or fancy fees…..it doesn't matter
You didn't have it but he will have it,
Unreasonable wants and extreme stubbornness
Its all okay for you…….it doesn't matter,
What matters is …
You didn't have any of those,
But he will have all and more,

Cartoon characters on the milk bottle
Is turned into a play station’s latest version,
Dream of owing an automatic toy car
Is turned in the latest bike with the maximum cc,
But you get it for him

without even a second thought,
Because it doesn't matter,
What matters is

He wants it and he will get it,

Desperation of catching up with the latest fashion,
Or latest handset of N-Series,
Those college trips,

Pizza huts or Mc Veggies or CCD,
High tech music systems

with X-plode surround sound,
It doesn't matter to you,
What matters is the smile and satisfaction

which you can see in his eyes,

And his dreams:
Dreams: of wanting his father to become the soccer dad,
Dreams: of his father’s support when he has one to one with the frontbencher,
Dreams of his father tucking him into a good nights sleep,
Dreams of getting the monthly pocket money on weekly basis,

Dreams that once were yours...

But it doesn't matter …..
He will have it all and more….
You close your eyes,

Suddenly the woods become denser,

dusk becomes dawn….
Now You see…

A little child standing at the door

with a deep scratch on his knee,
Waiting for his father to turn and look at him,
Child is 7 now making a sand house

from the dirt on the path way,
Still waiting,

Child is 14 now trying to gather courage
To ask his father to buy him a pair of bell bottomed jeans, or
Ask him for the new movie playing in the theater tonight,

Child is 16 now listening to his favorite radio show,
On a broken radio with a pencil stuck to it
So the frequency doesn't change,
Child is 18 now he wants to go abroad for studies as his father did,
His father looks at him shrugs and gets back to his cigar,

Child is 22 now struggling with his life,
Turning back he sees no one holding him, no words consoling him,

You force open your eyes….
Dusk is back again…..

the sky can’t get any darker…

He jolts through the front door…

All excited… “Dad Linking Park is playing tomorrow live

…just 1000 bucks can I go?? plzzz!!!

Watching him you think of that broken radio of yours
Lying in that old wardrobe….
You wonder about all the times you tried saving to get it repaired….
But somehow never came around to it…!!!
Take it tomorrow son before I leave for the office…You replied!!!

"Dedicated with lots and lots of love to someone very close to my heart"

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Are You in Love !!!

Love, a word full of irony…
You stand against all odds do all kind of things
And say you are in love.
You smile and laugh without any reason
And say you are in love.

Eyes glittering with that twinkle,

Cheeks glowing with dimples,
Encountering which we called

“real” feeling of “happiness”
And say you are in love.

Increased sensitivity, increased expectations,

Finding Solace in the smallest of gestures,
And say you are in love
Losing control of your soul,

of your tears, your sanity,
And say you are in love.

Waiting for small beep of your mobile,
Waiting for that ringtone of your mobile,
To see that name flash on its screen
Every second minute of the day,
Endless hours on chat,

on mobile, in coffee shops,
And say you are in love.

Closing your eyes to see him,

ignoring the ones you can actually see
And say you are in love,
Remembering the words from the first date,
10th date, 20th date,
Forgetting what your mom said a minute ago.

Waiting for him to ask

how you are when you are sick,
What about those who took care of you

and aid you to better health,
Still you say you are in love.

When you hurt your parents,

Step on the hearts of loved ones
Who really did cared,

And say you are in love,
What about the love of people.

Who take your ignorance and still care for you,
What about the love of people
Who make you the reason of there prayers,
You deny everything, stand facing against them,
And say you are in love.

And one day you loose them all,
You would crave for hands,

to wipe your tears,
You crave for hands,

who tucked you to sleep every night.
You repent, you regret, you cry, you scream.

Standing in front of the god you ask:
For another chance,

for an another moment,

just one more moment.

To make things right, to do things differently,

To repair the damage you caused,
To have those back, really loved ones who you lost,
When you “were” in love.

!!! Night of Love !!!

That was the night of love…..
When you walked away….
I was standing there praying
That you will look back….
But you never bothered to do so.
I was standing there praying
That I could see the love in u that lacked…
But you never bothered to show so.
That was the night of the judgment of my life…
When you walked away….
We fought, we shouted, we screamed.
You were upset…
But I was happy…
After ages I had your full attention….
That was the night of beginnings of all endings…
When you walked away..
Why did u left me behind..
How could you leave me behind…
When I was your mornings..
Your nights..
Your heart..
Your life….
But you never understood…
You were my soul….
Every possible reason for me to live….
That was the night ….I died..
The very night you walked away..
You simply walked away…
And with your every step which moved away from me…
You erased every reason for my life to exist….

Holding On

There seems to be no one,

I seem to be alone,
Surrounded by people,

Supposed loved ones,
I still feel alone.

They don’t seem to notice.
I lean back, against the couch,
Closing my eyes,
I simply listen.

Random memories flash,
Of long ago days -
Reflected in this new one,
And I add this moment
To the exceeding pile

Of similar states of minds.

I cry a little every day

on the things I can not change
Things that others find minuscule,

I feel their hurt, I cry their tears,
For people’s dream that go unfulfilled
For relationships that..

once was the reasons of prayers.

This is not me;

this is not what I was meant to be.

Why my heart is denying

the existence of my soul,
Sensitivities I can't describe,

it just jolts through my heart.

I wish I could explain it somehow,

but I don’t know where to start.
I don’t want to care;

I don’t want to smile

I don’t want to turn around
And see if things are okay
There tears make me cry,

when they feel genuine pain,
It’s something I can read.

I cannot even control it,

I don want to feel it,
But I cannot control it,

I was meant to feel it.

I wish that I could show you;

you'd see that this is real.
Because I know that deep down inside,

this will always be a part of my life.

!!!Lost Soul!!!

When winds were hard, and sun ruthless,
And moon was shy, when the time was timeless,
When I looked different, when I felt different,

That time I think of you,
“You” who gave me hope,
“You” Who gave me dreams,
“You” who gave me wisdom,

I met you every time-
Every time I could touch my soul,

and every time I could breath,
And every time I could dance, a

And every time I could smile,
And every time I wanted to

or I could live.

“You” were there to whisper,
Words of happiness, words of beauty,
Words of souls, Words of different world,
But yet words of reality,
And now I ask you - where are you,
Where could I find you, and you replied,
“IN YOU”

Smile and you will be able to feel me,

dance and I will dance with you
Find your soul and

you will find me right there,
Fulfill your dreams

and then we shall meet,

And I realized I have forgotten

what it feels like to smile,
How can I find my soul

when I don’t know where I am?

I can’t remember my dreams,

than what should I fulfill,
I could hear rhythms everywhere,

different rhythms, all kinds of rhythms
But none I like, then how could I dance,

I don’t remember what it feels like to be alive;

feels like to be loved,
How long it has been, I can’t remember,
And again I asked you –

can I get all this back.

Can I find you again,

will I ever be able to dance again,
Will I ever be able to feel love,

Will I ever be alive again?
Will I? ………. will I?

And I thought I heard your answer,

I heard something,
And then dropped a tear
listening the echo of my own voice…...!!!!