Holding On

There seems to be no one,

I seem to be alone,
Surrounded by people,

Supposed loved ones,
I still feel alone.

They don’t seem to notice.
I lean back, against the couch,
Closing my eyes,
I simply listen.

Random memories flash,
Of long ago days -
Reflected in this new one,
And I add this moment
To the exceeding pile

Of similar states of minds.

I cry a little every day

on the things I can not change
Things that others find minuscule,

I feel their hurt, I cry their tears,
For people’s dream that go unfulfilled
For relationships that..

once was the reasons of prayers.

This is not me;

this is not what I was meant to be.

Why my heart is denying

the existence of my soul,
Sensitivities I can't describe,

it just jolts through my heart.

I wish I could explain it somehow,

but I don’t know where to start.
I don’t want to care;

I don’t want to smile

I don’t want to turn around
And see if things are okay
There tears make me cry,

when they feel genuine pain,
It’s something I can read.

I cannot even control it,

I don want to feel it,
But I cannot control it,

I was meant to feel it.

I wish that I could show you;

you'd see that this is real.
Because I know that deep down inside,

this will always be a part of my life.