The story starts a long time ago; I met a friend, little that I know she was one of many to come. Trying to understand the meaning of friendship we savored with each other every minute. I learned how you can think of heights with somebody right beside you, the bliss of kindergarten friendship. The duet became a trio and the Girl party turned into a co-ed cohesion. I learned than the first crush, the first blush and the twisted planning of attention grabbing.
Time flew by so quick that before I took another breathe, it changed
Then I met my second best friend. The innocent heart bloomed in innocent times. Sharing the same obsession with than our favorite sitcom “I dream of Genie”. I learned that the magic exists all around when it exists in your heart. I learned than Magical world is much better than the reality which was wrapped around the cocoon of our friendship.
The cruel time deceived again, like sand in my fist it kept slipping away..
I than entered into the world of dark shadows, at the ripe age of 11, I saw darkness, evil manipulation and deceit in other pupil of same age. I learned how wrong the preachers can be, the teachers who you look up to teach you the way of life are the followers of self image, personal success and capitalism. The theory of which I understood way before than the existence of these words.
With only naivety in my heart I learned from them how to get emotionally detached, I learned how to get your self esteem marred and never object, I learned from them how to push people away, most importantly I learned how to become a non – entity so that the pain could be escaped.
So long these years were that I thought there is no end to it and suddenly the cruel time came disguised as Kind wanderer….
I met the most important confidants of my life. I still bow to time for the mercy bestowed. I learned from them non – judgmental companionship and acquaintances, I learned from them that friends could share silence, pain, sadness, happiness and life all the same. I learned from them the fun, the laughter till tears, the “I don’t give a damn attitude” to “I know life attitude”, I learned from them the life, the perspectives, the questions, the doubts, the solutions, the solace and how to stand by each other through all of that.
But such blissful breaks only exist to break one day..
It broke the day I entered the era called “World”. The ruthless, the unkind, the uncivilized and inhuman. This “World” gave me the friendship that scared the shit out of all the relationships I ever had. It gave me the love which had me prayed to never be loved again. It gave me the confidence that destroyed me. It introduced me to the people who will salute you if you have a shining armor and throw dust at you immediately if the shine fades, in order to bury you deep down to cease your existence.
This world though brought me closer to my real friends and family but also made me realize I never wanted this “world” ever. The neon lights that allure you to this era when looked closely they are being lit by the burned souls of its occupants, the cool breeze that gives you a moments calm are the heavy breathing of forerunners breathing down your neck waiting to cut you open just to take a step ahead.
Today I take a breather to look into the past, I stand here with no past, no present, no future. I have no thoughts, no mind and no souls, a barren land, with no sun, no moon, I do not know if it’s leading towards morning or night… but its definitely cold and dark.
Still with hope in my heart and faith in my eyes I stand here with my hand outstretched and palms open, wishing when the time comes to close the fist, I have something to hold on to which will be the reason of all that I saw, learned and went through, which I can call mine, which will reflect on who I was and what I have become the way I have become. I am hoping for time to befriend me again, even in a disguise.
Written By – The Apprentice