!!! Turning the Forgotten Pages !!!

Love; Sometimes it stay, sometimes it fades away, sometimes its snatched, other times it gets destroyed, sometimes you fall out of it, and other times it simply cease to exist.

But helplessness is what you feel when it comes to deciding whether you should give your hundred percent in your next relationship, scared is what you feel to be vulnerable again and allow someone to be close to you.

I wonder then why should it stop us from being "Our Self", nothing stays forever, even the strongest of love changes gets mature and become something even more beautiful, why cease to hope then and why stop ourselves from taking this beautiful though turbulent journey yet again.
As I believe there is no other way to be in a relationship then being hundred percent involved in it and any calculative approach towards it is just waste of time, you rather not be in a relationship then being in one and keep thinking should you give more or should you give less.

If life has been harsh, if love has hurt too much, if the trust was betrayed way too many times, if the traces of past still makes you cry your self to sleep at times, don't worry, its a phase it will pass, the light will shine again and eclipse will be over ..... flow with the moment ... because we are not meant to live without love.......then..... why try the other way?

Because for better or for worse but surely - Nothing Lasts Forever

Old Pages:-
 Nothing Last Forever
Better Evil  

!!! I Write !!!

Writing is my identity, and a escape from it.

!!! Dreams on Wings !!!

Smell of the damp leaves of Gulmohar
Dusk is my favorite flavor
The moon gets brighter as long as I stare
Feeling a bit more alive today

Emotions feels too cold to hold
World around, wraps you warm
Feeling the air between my fingers
Sitting in car I drove to nowhere
& moon gets brighter as long as I stare
Feeling a bit more alive today

Softness of earth beneath the feet
Harsh breeze caressing my cheeks
Every word resonating the soul
Every note a little more musical
& moon gets brighter as long as I stare
Feeling a bit more alive today

Days a little too blinding
Afterglow regenerates the lost
Smile is little broad
Nights a little too short
The moon gets brighter as long as I stare
Today it grew wings and flared
Flew away with my dreams on its feathers

Leaving me feeling a bit more alive !

Written By - A Dreamer














 

Aloofness leads to Awareness

It’s never easy to understand the reasons behind the wrong happened in your life. It is almost next to impossible to justify the injustice that you have to endure, especially when you are sure from your heart and soul that you did wrong to none. That is the stage of your life when you try to understand the workings of Karma from every ounce of your soul.


If you are not a believer of Karma you may get offended of what I am going to write next. Karma does exist and it works in the funniest way possible. If someone has done wrong to you, do not wait to see if things are going good or bad with them, today or tomorrow they will suffer by the hands of fate and their karma, but before you smile reading this , let me tell you the same applies to every human being on this earth, which includes you and me all the same.

When Karma rolls on the ones who did wrong to you, it works most subtly and it’s a good possibility that you would never know if your bully ever got punished or not, at least not until you yourself learn to leave the past and move ahead.

Karma never comes with a showdown, because if it does come “announcing” its arrival and “declares” your revenge – you will never learn to accept, you will never learn to move forward and most importantly you will never learn to forgive.

It keeps you aloof to make you more aware……. aware of yourself.

Written By – Ritika Patel

!!! Words are all there is !!!

In this world...

Beauty is not the nature, not the trees, not the birds, nor their songs

Beauty is not the serene lights, not even the lovers sight

Beauty lies in the "Words" that describes them..

Best thing happened to this world was, will and always be... "Words"

The creators & The Destroyers

Written By - A Thinker

Love As I Know It

Quotes Credit - Rumi

A life without love is a waste. “Should I look for spiritual love, or material, or physical love?”, don’t ask yourself this question. Discrimination leads to discrimination. Love doesn’t need any name, category or definition. Love is a world itself. Either you are in, at the center…either you are out, yearning.
  - Shams Tabrizi

I started reading Rumi a couple of months back. The Idea of love rumi felt and expressed was the kind of "Love" I found worth Yearning for...

In this new age the meaning of "Word" is lost in BBM messages and FB status, the words are out of our fingers even before the heart process their need and hence the reason of numerous break ups and unstable commitments ...

My love story is the story of hope..... hope of finding the old school romance, the first sight love still existing in this modern age university of materialism...

Because this is the only type of love i know... unconditional & helpless !

Ritz...

"Grand - Ba"

It’s been 23 days
But the time has stopped
The moment I saw you, calm and pain free
But Unresponsive and Still
I told myself hundred times it couldn’t be you
You could never be this when I am there in the room
But then how come it was all true?

I am still waiting to see that twinkle in your eyes
When you smile, My Favorite smile
How I wish to hug you and say "Ba me aa gayi"
How I wish to touch your soft hands
Whose wrinkles I loved so deeply
Still waiting for your fingers to touch my cheek
And announce with pride that I am your Rani Beti
The melodious music in your voice
The endless stories we forced you to tell
The endless incidences that you so gleefully spill
The life you lived, the morals you inculcate
The dreams you saw and the home you build
The people you nurtured and the love you spread
The feelings you generated and the hymn you recited
The wishes you had and the grudges you melted

I will live with all that and more
I would cherish every singly note
I would stand with the morals
I would see the dreams through
Because I see you in everything I do

You were more than you could ever imagine
You were the smartest of all I have ever met
You were the humble of all the humb-lest
You were the strength of the ones who made us
And you were the epicenter for all of us
And you will live in me forever!
BA...you will live with me forever!

Your Chjori ....

!!! Arranged Fiasco !!!

Merry Colors splatter from top to bottom, with golden frames of perfect mates smiling at each other, happiness content in that momentary snap makes you feel true matches has a way to find itself. Such is the effect of matrimony sites on the ones who are gearing up to walk through the narrow end of the Tunnel, where life will tend to become too focused... or will it..…

Beyond the conception of personal or significant, the arranged marriage set up has turned into a nasty business deal for the stake holders (The anxious Bride’s Party and the Over Confident Groom’s Zone)

So, in this “Arranged” Set up…when exactly things start turning upside down …..

Gone are the days where in letters and phone calls were exchanged between the parents even before the bride and groom get to know each others names, now a days the first thing they do is check their face book profiles. As for the boy, he get judged by the number of pictures in which he is holding a Budweiser and for girl it’s been judge by the length of her clothes.

This is the place where you judge the groom by looking at their picture taken either
1. at a distorted angle from their left hand, during one boring afternoon, from their 2 MP camera, for which his parents would think their “Ladla Beta” is looking “soo Cute”(auntiji have a closer look) …
2. or a highly cropped version of some outing done ages ago (dude you use to look like that in kindergarten),
3. worse are the ones taken at someone else’s wedding, poor bride’s parents needs time to understand probably that’s the only time guys clean up well, (come on … someone else’s wedding … meaning … single giggling girls all around)… but for brides the pictures need to be clearly taken in a traditional outfit in some studio with a “1970’s” expression, otherwise “uncleji would say…uhhmm kuch jum nahi rahi”.

It is the time when Intellectual compatibility, mental and emotional compatibility stands no chance what so ever in front of “Horoscope” compatibility. Once the horoscope match is done, it wouldn’t matter to either parties if the bride and groom would even kill each other, I am sure the best defense they would present in front of a judge would be “Ab kya kar sakte hain humne toh 29 gun milaye the”, and in front of that even the judge will not stand a chance 

It reminds me of the time when the Maharaja’s use to sit in their pleasure room and one by one the entertainers would come to please him, similarly the 21st centuries Maharaja (Grooms Zone) just sits there thinking the entertainers(bride’s zone) will be on their mercy(WAKE UP).

These are the times when the traditional mentality of searching an Engineer/ Doctor/IIT/IIM Groom creeps in, whereas the girls education comes next to her ability of negotiating with bhaji wala and making aloo ke parathe.

And it goes on to the scrutiny of Family’s education to Maternal uncles to paternal uncles, from how many Govt Services to how many defiance services, how many unmarried elder siblings..

How can we forget the big suffocating Money Bet, how much the ”would be” groom is earning now, is then compared to his age, and then the growth rate is calculated, did the parents ever studied so seriously for their Math exams? I wonder!!

And the hurl is choked in your throat when the Mirror Cracking Materials represent their expectation of “Tall” (this is coming from a 5”7 guy), Slim (Coming from a Square Peg), Beautiful (uhh don’t even get me started on this one) HOMELY Girl - Now what in earth does the word “Homely” means????

Because It is absolutely okay if their “munda” is a womanizer and drinks “occasionally” (FYI the occasions occur frequently than weekends), whose FB wall is splattered with 690 “girl” friends, and never would have tried to cook himself a real maggi, and still you would have the neck to ask for a “Homely” Girl?

And for heaven’s sake when did every guy in this world turn into … wait for it …. “friendly”… “Jolly Natured”…. “Fun Loving” and “Understanding” creature …. surprisingly this is "most of the vocabulary" or rather "the only vocabulary" one can find in the " Groom's about me" field, I wonder if most of the guys with their seriously minute intellect is under the impression that every other girl is just waiting on their toes, waiting to marry Pooh?

Written By - Behind the Scenes of "Holy" Matrimony !

!!! This Way or That !!!

Days pass by, as clock ticks away and the time doesn’t hold the nature of remembrance. You perform your daily chores which resulted from fully informed choices.
And yet more often than not you find your self staring in space wondering what is it that you keep waiting for, is it success, but then what is success truly? is it enough... is it required? Why so Overrated?
Is it Love, But what is love truly,isn't what you have ..enough? why so overrated?
Is it Change? Is it required? Will it be bearable?

You think back of the times when you were more careless, more out-going, more insensitive and yet way too content than you could ever imagine.

At one point or another, at this age or that, I am sure we all get stuck thinking the same thing.

Sometimes things happen in our lives, things we have no control on, people we cant stop from entering in our lives or leaving it, situations we might be doomed with or blessed with.
But once out of it , it either leave us with a broken heart or an unfulfilled desire or with a dream which was long forgotten, or a feeling of "what I have been missing all along", or sometimes wishing "I hope that never happens again".

How ever the journey was.....the outcome is only 3 ways...
Either you start living in present valuing everything and everyone,
or you become like one of my very dear friend and get stuck "Romancing in the Past",
or you will turn into me, soliciting an unconditional "Affair with your Future".

Though present & past can nurture the virtue of hopes & dreams but the affair with the unknown can become the last thing you would ever do.

Written By - A Writer in Me

!!! We Would If We Could !!!

Things I wish I had said,
Things I wish You had said,
Things I wish I hadn't done,
Things I wish You hadn't done,
Words I wish we could share,
Feelings I wish we can have,
Caresses we missed along the way,
Time, If you could understand, or could have understood...
Then we wouldn't be in the separate lives,
Like the leaves of the same trees
Yet branches apart,
Aloof of each others existence,
Now the only time we can be together,
is when we fall on the ground together,
I know you know not of my existence,
I know you will never blow in my direction,
But I am not you, Was never you,

So, I will Wish and I will Pray ..
& I will hope & I will dream,
For as my adorable best friend so solemnly believe
That My desires & regret,
My Heart & Soul .....still is innocent
still is Human ...!!!!

Written By - Unknown Side of Me

!!! Hollow Shrine !!!

I think back of the time, when we were the only ones
Showcasing our talent that world couldn't understand
The Audiences were awed by our characters
Some connected, others cheered, rest only sneered

For our play was never ever played before
We indulged our roles perfectly with each other
The stage was set, lighting was right
Decoration bloomed and two characters sufficed

The critics kept shouting on my face
That you weren't worth it, its time for the new settings
They kept asking me to walk out of stage
To walk out & find a new plot
As they said you will only bring the dark
I ignored all and every time you moved forward I gave you my hand

Though applauds increased every night,
But gradually criticism was building inside
I ignored everything for I had you
and we were perfect
Fool I was I didn't see how often your heart flickered,
It was too much to accept...

and so I walked out.... leaving the scenes and the story incomplete..
Broken to see how relived you were to see my exit

Though they criticised you right and left
But I saw myself walking out in neglect
As for all those who pointed fingers at you
Are now your audiences cheering with the crowd as you move

One Last Time - I stood in the arena all by myself..
Looking around seeing those faces who abhorred you
But now they stand clapping, just so they can be part of your shine
& All I could do is smile...
Now I realise the script was not written to abandon me
But to protect me from this hollow shrine !

Written By - Ritika Patel "Trusting the words are reaching you - dusk and dawn"

!!! Pray From Heart !!!

You want to see every rhythm I hear

This distance this testing I cant bear

I keep thinking what is it that you lack
That every footstep makes you look back

A whoosh of a wind brings that smile long withdrawn
A minute ignorance can bring that tear rolling down
Peace you find staring at the moon standing in the lawn
Every time you wish to see your dream come true in dawn

What you want I do not understand
What you desire is beyond the space of my land
I wish if you could just stop wishing on a wishing star
I wish if you could stop framing every silhouette you pass

For what the fate brings is in neither of our hands
As I cant predict when this wondering will end
You have tired me more than I can handle
How could you still go on without being surrendered

For I only fear the future for you..
If you will not find the one thing you survived on hoping
Alas...

You may smile but you will be breaking pieces apart

So I knelt down once again ...
As I do every time you are in pain
For you are my only "Heart"
How can I let your moans go in "vain"

Written By - Ritika Patel "To wish for no "pain" is like wishing for no "heart""

!!! A Riddle !!!

There are things which remain unexplained and others a pure definition
You may misunderstand and misjudge life's vocabulary more often ..
You will however get to it .. as soon as ...
you break the lock of ego and open the box of ignorance ....
kept shunned at the dark corners of Pride...

Written By - Rit ika Pa t el "Trying to join the missing puzzles"

!!! Dialogue With Self !!!

"Other Side of Me" - "Life never offers you closures it only gives you a story with beginning .. which comes to an "end" when you least expect it and that's why we can never come to terms with a closure - less fable.

"Me" - "But I wish if somebody can really teach you or just hold your hand to guide you as you walk in this path with utter confusion and prolonged desperation. If somebody can just draw out a map or a flowchart of some kind which can show you where you are and where all you can go, or at least explain as to what as happened and why it has happened ... only if..."

"Other Side of Me" - "But then what is the point of asking for a classroom session help for every unanswered question, then how will we learn to find our own answers, what is the point of asking for a helping hand every time you trip over, then how will you learn to get up, dust yourself and move on.

Will it be ok for you to live your life being the same person for years together, then how will we enjoy the unpredictability, the insanity, the infinite shades and the utter lack of stability of our personality...
Doesn't all this makes you love yourself a little bit more each day... it certainly does for me!"

Written By - Ritika Patel

!!! New Self !!!

Every Day a New Day
Every Step a New World
When you stand on a threshold
Facing everyone against you
The Fight is easy and the Motivation
Unwavering..
You move ahead, Self Confidence at its best

Every Day a New Day
Every Step a New World
When you Stand on threshold
Facing yourself against your own
The Fight is difficult and Motivation
Is nowhere
You are confused of the paths to be taken
And Self Confidence its not of “self” anymore…

Only then your inner strength is evaluated…
Only then your resilience can be judged…
When you decide ..
Whether to get dragged by your that “self”
Who wants to drag you down the hole
A place, dark and silent
A path, smooth & inviting
Which will momentarily give you
Pleasure of peace you keep searching

Or
To walk voluntarily to the other side
Where path is covered with thorn & dust
Known & Inhuman, Cruel & kind, Foes & Companion
Where peace will only come in the moment of “acceptance”
where many have lived & died
Without any hope of accepting their “existence”

The strength lies in taking that one step,
Valour lies in choosing the right direction,
&
Wisdom lies in knowing which “image of yours” you want to “accompany”!!!

Written By  - Ritika Patel

TO WIN IS TO ACCEPT WHO YOU REALLY ARE,
TO SUCCEED IS TO KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT !

!!! Closed Chapter ... Solacing Surrender !!!

Never too late to come out of the night....
Never too late to welcome the moonlight....
Never too late to realize your sunshine....
Never too late to realize what 'is' mine....
Never too late to break all illusions apart....
Never too late to shun the broken heart ...!!!

Though a closed one now, but you were once a chapter in my book
And so I don't keep any grudges hanging on the hook
The diary is filled now and I turn the pages one last time
Before I open a new one and put the past in invisible space & time
With every aloofness I received, Happiness I prayed for you
With your every dark mood, only shine that I wished for you
Its too late to keep counting the hours, the words and the curse
As it was with you the very first time I sent my guards off to vacation
By the time they returned though I was hardly anywhere to be found
But your every remembrance till today comes with a hint of love

A good possibility that you may never be completely forgotten
From the mind, heart, seasons and the tenses..... or.. yes...sometime prayers..
But I had skipped enough steps to keep up with your images
Now I leave everything alone as I would have done ages ago
I have taken a turn and every thing starting anew...
I promise you, never will I let that shadows to over come me again..
As I move unto this journey with YOUR faith and confidence,
Leaving those shadows behind, its a fight and I NEED you with me
I unconditionally believe, you will curve me just the way its suppose to be :)

Written By - "A Part of You"

!!! Random Scribbling !!!

An apostrophe in my script, is what seeks the virtue, in this uneventful journey, which otherwise would be turbulent with presence of character sketches that keep running in the corners of my mind. It’s there where the soul finds; solace from the tsunami of known unknowns, quiescent from venturing in the meaningless and vanity in the face of grotesque.

Corners escaped from invasion of universal attraction that supposedly defines destiny. “Escaped” or “unreachable” I do not know, But if they exists in the neurotic geography of my thoughts, it’s the unwavering reliance that it exists somewhere, anywhere, right here or there, but the presence; though not felt, or seen, but surely known.

I sit at the staggered path of writings, written by whom / for whom I do not know, but still wait to capture the first inkling of the changing paths of the winds, presently blowing through emptiness in the void deeper than the sea .

As the melancholy of the sunset deepens the courage of buried rage & agonize the already blinding vision resulting from scrutinizing darkness that covers the path leading to the thoughts of, my attraction or someone else’s, the end does not seem too far, the anxiety persists in the curiosity whether the end would be “the conclusion” or “the beginning” of the new ends.

Written By - Ritika Patel

Letter to My Buddy :p

In the moment of core desperation of my dear friend and subtle understanding of his situation from my end, he abruptly looks at me and ask "You don't understand how helpless it feels to be in a god forsaken relationship which is sucking the life out of your very soul every moment, that even with clear understanding of the situation you fail to get away from that person".

And all I could do was, look at him and smile with no words to say and no other expression to explain to him that I "exactly" know and when I say "exactly", I mean I literally am aware of how it feels & how utterly stupid and dick headed one can be when you are stuck in a relation where all you get every moment is a snap out of the person you got deeply connected with, that, only after several (I mean uncountable) hours of crying, days of self counseling, and bouts of courage that comes and go as quickly as cold breezes in Mumbai, that you gather enough wisdom to pull back your roots from the ground.... where you find your self respect, your emotions, and your dignity lying under the heaps of dead leaves.

So yes I know "exactly" how you feel & may be more than you are allowing yourself to feel right now. I once promised myself - that forgotten past will never find place in my thoughts or in my blog ever. But sometimes for friends you have to do... what you have to do.

No I did not feel bad when you smirked when I said it’s just the “time”, let it pass as it wants to and one day you will forget about what this miserable moment made you feel.

I had a friend, or so as I use to think, long time ago, it was a fairy tale friendship, stronger than the Congress, blissful than ignorance and more unconditional than my sibling's love for chocolates, or so was my belief. But suddenly I was shaken out of my dream by my own pleading soul, it was then that I realized that my extremely confident, carefree self, who always had lot of friends is suddenly turned into a loner whose only mode of survival was the scraps of compassion thrown at her, as rarely as street dog's full meal.
It was then that I realized (too late) that the mode of survival of that person is “its” sadistic nature and the desperate need of being in an emotionally screwed up environment all the time, as without such drama that person use to start suffering from identity crisis.

Before such time my days use to start with a peaceful smile and end with shrieking laughter with my friends and roomies, but I threw away all of that so that I can get sucked deeper into the world of self loathing, extreme violence, psychotic behavior, physical, emotional and extreme verbal abuse never had I met a person who was beyond inhumanity and conscience –less, but who wanted to understand that!!!

Yes you may think it sounds like a bloody shit hole well that’s what it was, but before you start sympathising with me let me confess I suffered by the hands of my own foolishness and weakness, there’s nobody to blame for what happened other than myself may be because I may have allowed a wrong person to enter my life while completely disregarding my intuitions or may be because I waited too long to walk away…. But very glad that gradually it all evaporated..

I tell you all this so that unlike me you can escape from the irreversible damage and unavoidable changes that a hopeless relationship brings into your life.

When the time comes for you to take a decision, to step back and start thinking about making things better, you will only blame yourself for the consequences But till such time I will keep repeating what I ought to like annoying ads at doordarshan, not because you are my friend or anything, but because you will have one less person to blame, when you will be desperately trying to find one thing/person to blame it all on.. ;) :p

Love ya alwayss