!!! Dreams that once were !!!

Lying down on the couch,

steaming cup of hot coffee at side,
Dusk making the vision darker and darker,
Looking down at the woods, makes you remember…..

It starts with a milk bottle

with a picture of a cartoon character,
Or a soft toy, or an automatic car toy,

You don’t remember….
But you do remember
That you didn't have it

so he should have it,

Fancy schools, with fancy names,
Or fancy fees…..it doesn't matter
You didn't have it but he will have it,
Unreasonable wants and extreme stubbornness
Its all okay for you…….it doesn't matter,
What matters is …
You didn't have any of those,
But he will have all and more,

Cartoon characters on the milk bottle
Is turned into a play station’s latest version,
Dream of owing an automatic toy car
Is turned in the latest bike with the maximum cc,
But you get it for him

without even a second thought,
Because it doesn't matter,
What matters is

He wants it and he will get it,

Desperation of catching up with the latest fashion,
Or latest handset of N-Series,
Those college trips,

Pizza huts or Mc Veggies or CCD,
High tech music systems

with X-plode surround sound,
It doesn't matter to you,
What matters is the smile and satisfaction

which you can see in his eyes,

And his dreams:
Dreams: of wanting his father to become the soccer dad,
Dreams: of his father’s support when he has one to one with the frontbencher,
Dreams of his father tucking him into a good nights sleep,
Dreams of getting the monthly pocket money on weekly basis,

Dreams that once were yours...

But it doesn't matter …..
He will have it all and more….
You close your eyes,

Suddenly the woods become denser,

dusk becomes dawn….
Now You see…

A little child standing at the door

with a deep scratch on his knee,
Waiting for his father to turn and look at him,
Child is 7 now making a sand house

from the dirt on the path way,
Still waiting,

Child is 14 now trying to gather courage
To ask his father to buy him a pair of bell bottomed jeans, or
Ask him for the new movie playing in the theater tonight,

Child is 16 now listening to his favorite radio show,
On a broken radio with a pencil stuck to it
So the frequency doesn't change,
Child is 18 now he wants to go abroad for studies as his father did,
His father looks at him shrugs and gets back to his cigar,

Child is 22 now struggling with his life,
Turning back he sees no one holding him, no words consoling him,

You force open your eyes….
Dusk is back again…..

the sky can’t get any darker…

He jolts through the front door…

All excited… “Dad Linking Park is playing tomorrow live

…just 1000 bucks can I go?? plzzz!!!

Watching him you think of that broken radio of yours
Lying in that old wardrobe….
You wonder about all the times you tried saving to get it repaired….
But somehow never came around to it…!!!
Take it tomorrow son before I leave for the office…You replied!!!

"Dedicated with lots and lots of love to someone very close to my heart"

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Are You in Love !!!

Love, a word full of irony…
You stand against all odds do all kind of things
And say you are in love.
You smile and laugh without any reason
And say you are in love.

Eyes glittering with that twinkle,

Cheeks glowing with dimples,
Encountering which we called

“real” feeling of “happiness”
And say you are in love.

Increased sensitivity, increased expectations,

Finding Solace in the smallest of gestures,
And say you are in love
Losing control of your soul,

of your tears, your sanity,
And say you are in love.

Waiting for small beep of your mobile,
Waiting for that ringtone of your mobile,
To see that name flash on its screen
Every second minute of the day,
Endless hours on chat,

on mobile, in coffee shops,
And say you are in love.

Closing your eyes to see him,

ignoring the ones you can actually see
And say you are in love,
Remembering the words from the first date,
10th date, 20th date,
Forgetting what your mom said a minute ago.

Waiting for him to ask

how you are when you are sick,
What about those who took care of you

and aid you to better health,
Still you say you are in love.

When you hurt your parents,

Step on the hearts of loved ones
Who really did cared,

And say you are in love,
What about the love of people.

Who take your ignorance and still care for you,
What about the love of people
Who make you the reason of there prayers,
You deny everything, stand facing against them,
And say you are in love.

And one day you loose them all,
You would crave for hands,

to wipe your tears,
You crave for hands,

who tucked you to sleep every night.
You repent, you regret, you cry, you scream.

Standing in front of the god you ask:
For another chance,

for an another moment,

just one more moment.

To make things right, to do things differently,

To repair the damage you caused,
To have those back, really loved ones who you lost,
When you “were” in love.

!!! Night of Love !!!

That was the night of love…..
When you walked away….
I was standing there praying
That you will look back….
But you never bothered to do so.
I was standing there praying
That I could see the love in u that lacked…
But you never bothered to show so.
That was the night of the judgment of my life…
When you walked away….
We fought, we shouted, we screamed.
You were upset…
But I was happy…
After ages I had your full attention….
That was the night of beginnings of all endings…
When you walked away..
Why did u left me behind..
How could you leave me behind…
When I was your mornings..
Your nights..
Your heart..
Your life….
But you never understood…
You were my soul….
Every possible reason for me to live….
That was the night ….I died..
The very night you walked away..
You simply walked away…
And with your every step which moved away from me…
You erased every reason for my life to exist….

Holding On

There seems to be no one,

I seem to be alone,
Surrounded by people,

Supposed loved ones,
I still feel alone.

They don’t seem to notice.
I lean back, against the couch,
Closing my eyes,
I simply listen.

Random memories flash,
Of long ago days -
Reflected in this new one,
And I add this moment
To the exceeding pile

Of similar states of minds.

I cry a little every day

on the things I can not change
Things that others find minuscule,

I feel their hurt, I cry their tears,
For people’s dream that go unfulfilled
For relationships that..

once was the reasons of prayers.

This is not me;

this is not what I was meant to be.

Why my heart is denying

the existence of my soul,
Sensitivities I can't describe,

it just jolts through my heart.

I wish I could explain it somehow,

but I don’t know where to start.
I don’t want to care;

I don’t want to smile

I don’t want to turn around
And see if things are okay
There tears make me cry,

when they feel genuine pain,
It’s something I can read.

I cannot even control it,

I don want to feel it,
But I cannot control it,

I was meant to feel it.

I wish that I could show you;

you'd see that this is real.
Because I know that deep down inside,

this will always be a part of my life.

!!!Lost Soul!!!

When winds were hard, and sun ruthless,
And moon was shy, when the time was timeless,
When I looked different, when I felt different,

That time I think of you,
“You” who gave me hope,
“You” Who gave me dreams,
“You” who gave me wisdom,

I met you every time-
Every time I could touch my soul,

and every time I could breath,
And every time I could dance, a

And every time I could smile,
And every time I wanted to

or I could live.

“You” were there to whisper,
Words of happiness, words of beauty,
Words of souls, Words of different world,
But yet words of reality,
And now I ask you - where are you,
Where could I find you, and you replied,
“IN YOU”

Smile and you will be able to feel me,

dance and I will dance with you
Find your soul and

you will find me right there,
Fulfill your dreams

and then we shall meet,

And I realized I have forgotten

what it feels like to smile,
How can I find my soul

when I don’t know where I am?

I can’t remember my dreams,

than what should I fulfill,
I could hear rhythms everywhere,

different rhythms, all kinds of rhythms
But none I like, then how could I dance,

I don’t remember what it feels like to be alive;

feels like to be loved,
How long it has been, I can’t remember,
And again I asked you –

can I get all this back.

Can I find you again,

will I ever be able to dance again,
Will I ever be able to feel love,

Will I ever be alive again?
Will I? ………. will I?

And I thought I heard your answer,

I heard something,
And then dropped a tear
listening the echo of my own voice…...!!!!