!!! Breaking Free !!!

Holding on to the broken ends,
you wonder how long you will be able to stand.
Hours of edginess, the needling pain in your heart,
counting hours in minutes,
waiting for this feeling to pass.
No matter how bad you try to save a relationship,
it’s pointless when the one you are saving it for, is already "Lost".

You cry you beg, you forgive, you initiate, you loose yourself trying to find the long forgotten moments. You question everything, you revise every moment every talk in your head trying to figure out the first signs of breaking apart, your teary vision blurs the past too. You are left with endless hours of thinking, pondering, blaming, asking, and praying. Completely baffled you break apart even before the relationship could.

You ask the person hundred times, to tell why, when & why. Knowing perfectly well the mute silence which is going to welcome you in place of answers. The constant lies and hiding makes you wonder that – did the relationship you are trying to save ever existed or not? Finally you find yourself in darkness with silence tearing your ears apart.

But what happened next depends completely and totally upon your perspective. What do you want to do? Do you want to sulk in the dark or do you want to get up and search for the first ray of light which could direct you to the pathway of freedom. Do you want to keep begging for the answers full of lies and pretence and keep pretending that down the line things are going to be ok or do you want to find the courage to make it “ok” for “yourself”.

You won’t realize in your insanity but when you think you are stuck in the dark you will find the first light of rays, not in your solitude but in the eye of the liar and you will understand that light was there from the first lie, first insult, first fight, and first aloofness.

It will be hard and it will break you and it will drive you completely insane. But isn’t it anytime better than being with a person who doesn’t appreciate your energy, time and feelings gone on the hopeless relationship. So, get a hang on yourself, believe in yourself and hold on to your inner faith which will come on to you the moment you take a break and step back and try to look at the bigger picture.

You will understand where you did wrong, where you made a fool of yourself and trust me after a point of time you will be able to laugh on yourself for all the silliness you did and you never understood. Hold on to the people who really care for you and not the one who changes with the arrival of dawn and comes back in dusk. But those who will stand by you even if you plan to stand on the edge of the mountain peak for the rest of your life.

And when you make your self capable of these feelings you will be able to feel the wings of freedom making you lighter every moment. Still, You will cave to the throbbing pain which will be very frequent first but will diminish with time but you have to remember the past for the moments like this remember the way you were treated, remember the tears dropped unnoticed and insulted, remember the way you lost your self and compare it with this feeling of lightness & self discovery and you will see what is worth holding on to.

“Love is greatest of all, but only when your first love is “You””.

Written by – Ritika Patel
Hope you find your wings too !!

!!! Having a Bad Day !!! Read Mine !!!

How does a bad day start for you? You run late for the office. You burn your breakfast. And when you get out of the house you realize you forgot your cell phone. Standing on the road you wonder where all the rickshaws of the world have gone. You reach the station to get to your train which leaves the station when you are just about to reach the platform. Finally you make it to your workplace only to realize the 8 hours of hopeless wondering.

Where you had to fight for your own work station. You fight for your appreciation. You fight for your recognition. You fight for your acceptance. You work your ass off only to realize that you have been exploited to the core – financially, mentally and physically and don’t even get me started on emotions. And you do realize that there is no turning back and if given a chance you will do the same thing over and over again because you might get another chance but you will never have another option.
You live in a small room of a house which is far from being a home. You try every day harder and harder to make your own living, to make your mark, to get used to of it, to play with this routine, but how will you do that when you are being played with the masters of all called “Life”.

You try to find solace in the closest friend or a closest companion. Friend or companion who can take your hand and console you with words which lack experience and they can touch you with their warmth which lack the caress of pain you live with. They see you with eyes so flooding with emotions but lacking the sight which could have made them the “witness” of your day.

Never the less you hold on to every word of console coming from them with a hope to find one answer one solution in it which could give you the strength of moving on. Every word full of motivation every statement full of encouragement, still it fails to touch your heart. Because they say every thing “right”, without understanding the “wrong” of your life. Then how could heart in pain be consoled with words coming from a dictionary of optimism unaware of the existence of the opposites.

Written by - Ritika Patel

Death is not the greatest loss in life, The greatest loss is when relationship dies between two people while they are still alive"

My heart was as closed
As a forgotten old box in the attic
Denying every relation
Denying every bond
That was my habit

Then you came
To force me out of the attic
You begged me to see the sunshine
You hold me till the Moon light

I kept telling you
It won’t work, it’s not meant to stay
Your teary eyes stared right into my heart
“I will walk away from you, if you want me too”
Holding my hand you said.

But weak as I was
Vulnerable as I was
Enjoying the heat of the sunshine
Enjoying the warmth of the moonlight
I hold on to you to enjoy my new sight
Now too scared to go back to the attic
To go back to the endless moonless night

Then it happened
Something I always feared
Your hold loosened
As began the story of my tears

My hand that you hold with such passion
Suddenly became burden to you
Now you compare me to the world
And you started looking for something new

I was so use to of this sunshine
I was in love with our moonlight
But I won’t beg you to stay
B’ coz in your life I have no say!

You took the box out
You make me open it for the world and you
I use to treat my heart like a box
Now the world treats it like that too!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Reasons to Smile !!!

Getting off the swing
I turned around
I felt like choking
Looking for my teddy on the ground

I haven’t lost a thing ever
How can I lose my favorite teddy
Is it god teaching me a lesson?
Oh, my smile has lost all reasons!!

In the haste of finding my teddy
I lost my friend too
She was there when my teddy was there
Now she is gone too
Oh, I hate this spring season
It made my smile lose all reason

From the corner of my eye I caught her view
Carrying my favorite candy
Glowing as a drop of dew
Handing the candy in my hand
She pointed the little child sitting on the path
She urged me to do something which I can’t
Nevertheless I did it as she was my best friend

Giving my candy to the little child
I turned around to look at her and Sigh!!
I felt something as he caught my hand
Looking in his eyes I can see the feeling of thanks!!

I did something which I thought I lost
I couldn’t help my lips turning into a curve
You have to make your own reasons, I learned
And so your smile will never be lost.

I blinked my eyes, to clear my vision
Looking at the broken swing;
Remembering the past I sat below the old tree,
That was when I was five; I still don’t feel fifty,
Since then I have a list of things I lost,
Some were priceless-
And many things- which do have a cost,

But every time I lose something
I become sure that this moment is last
And then I turn a corner from my home
There it is the shop of my favorite candy bar

Smile is not a person; smile is not a thing,
Smile is definitely not a season,
Nor it is a feeling
Smile is a proof of your liveliness,
Proof that you still can feel,

My poem will look like a story of fiction
But trust me smile does not need a reason
Though it is fiction but it is also true,
Smile for your self, the reason is You.

Written By - Ritika Patel

!!! Love Bore Envy !!!

I looked out of my window
Remembering the past
Lips turning into a smile
People watching me, are aghast
Oh, how I love to see envy in their eyes

With you as I see now
My life seems to be a dancing floor
You moved with my every move
With every flip n turn,
Only Happiness you bestowed
So, I kept asking more

With you as I see now
My life seems to be a holiday on a cruise
Standing hand in hand below the moon
I know I have nothing to loose
You moved a strand of hair away from my face
I realized again, it’s me who you will always choose

With you as I see now
My life seems to be my bestseller book
Story of happiness, motivation and love
Something that every one can relate to
Reading the success of my life, “you”
Lost in past, Lips turning into smile
Oh how I love to see envy in their eyes

But they don’t know
My smile is neither for the past
Nor for present
I am smiling thinking of the end

Without you as I see now
My life will be of a pedestrian
With a path which is lost,
A stem of thorns
Ending without a rose,
My road will be of succession
Moving ahead but without any passion

Without you as I see now
I will only spend my evenings
Thinking what I have
And what all is missing.

Lost in your thoughts,
Lips turning into smile,
They would think, it can't be true
Such happiness is not life’s virtue
She has to be full of lies
Oh!! How I love to see envy in their eyes!!!

Written by – Ritika Patel

!!! The Winner Stands Alone !!!

Clutching their fingers
I learned the first step
Knocking with my fist
I waited at the doorstep

They were my support
The jury of my court
My future, my nurturers
But the knocking fist is banging now
And am still waiting at the doorstep

I am a part of you I shouted
Then why are you blinded-
To my pains and feelings ,
While it is not the same for my sibling

I want answers to my agony
All I wanted from you
was a proof of my existence,
I added meekly

Please open the door
Don’t let me drown
Help me come to the shore
I am as yours
As the rest of them’
I can give you more
More than the others claim

Let me into your beliefs
I will be the happiest
Even if for you
I will have to climb cliffs

Please look at me
I am capable and I am deserving,
Not of your hatred
Neither of your undermining

One day I will be the happiest
I will be the richest
I will be successful
I will be blissful

Even if you will deny
For the rest of your lives
I will still be touching heights.
So don’t you abhor,
Don’t you let the winner stand alone!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! The Lost Battle !!!

I thought it was mine
That’s why my days shine
But every time i try and hold it
I am left with the tits and bits

I let my happiness show
I don’t want to hide the glow
When I had you
The time just blew
But its time for adieu

Because every time I hold it
I am left with tits and bits
I thought you were mine
And you are here to stay
But its time for adieu
And I don’t know how to say

I thought my stars are shining down
But I forgot my past so renowned
Whenever I have tried to hold it
I am left with the tits and bits

To me some one once said
Little girl you will be alone ahead
Don’t you play with this sand
It will slip right away from your hand

I sulked and I frowned
Its mine, I am the one with the crown
So, I hold it even tighter
I felt my hand even more lighter
It slipped away, alright !!!
That was years ago I thought
But the past is over
Then why am I still lost.

He kept saying you hold it too tight
Let it be and it might survive
But I refuse to reckoned
And so every thing gradually ended

Hurts I suffered in the past
I never wanted it in my future to last
So every time I lose the sand
I hold it tighter to gain the rest back
And every time I hold it tighter
My experiences became bitterer

More I loose , more I hold
No matter how much I try
It’s out of my control

Because every time I try and hold it
I am always left with the tits and bits
But when I let it be
It never came to me
No matter how much I craved
Disappointments is all what I get

So I hold it with both hands
And loose even more than I can stand…!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! The Wait !!!

I walk less and fall more
Thy makes me suffer to the core
But, every time I stand again
I am much ahead of the previous lane
I use to take life, As one long stroll
But I soon realized- the minute obstacles
And numerous falls

I believe less and question more
There was always a mask of pretence I wore
Hating myself in dark times I moved forth
Diamonds are found midst the coal
Knowing the facts I still get confuse
The rules of the nature
No one can refuse

I live less and crib more
Stuck in the thunderstorm
I keep dreaming the sea shore
In a hurry to reach the bay,
I forgot to live through the way,
On my knees I prayed to thy
Am I not suffering enough?
Thinking that I asked, why?

Do I suffer less and complain more
Looking at me he smiled
He said: “I was expecting you from awhile”
Experiences and strength becomes your pillar
When you suffer
It’s all over the bible
If you would refer

So smile my child
There's more to come,
Wait for the dawn
New day will come.

Been there, said that : Been there, heard that
This play of dusk and dawn I would not understand
It’s my life they play with and this I will not stand

So, I went back to what they refer to dusk
Fight is on but my weapons have rust
But I have to reach the bay
Can’t just sit here and wait for the new day.

So it’s all about what you choose
To complain less and endure more
Is the way of life I chose!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Rendezvous !!!

Tell me what you have for me
For I can’t go forever
My experiences are making me graver
So, tell me what you have for me
Because gone are the days
When the only thing wounded was my knee

Tell me what else I have to see
For I no more want to try
I no more want to cry
I no more want to rely
If you say this is my destiny
I will surely deny

Tell me where I meant to be
Coz, I have dreamt heights for me,
For fall and discouragement
Is not the virtue of my life
With this plan's of thy
I might have strife

Tell me what I will be
For my experiences
Has changed me
Is this how should I be
For my choices are
Questioning the real me

So tell me that this is just the start
The end is yet very far
Tell me the end will be
What I want it to be
For my tears, my cry, my fear
I had over these years
Are not for waste
As it might appear

So let me tell you now
That I will fly high
Once I leave your ground
You will be the one praying to thy
So let me tell you
I am my destiny
For what I am it’s because of you
But what I will be
It will be me.

World is waiting for me
So here I go..... you will see !!!!

Written by - Ritika Patel

!!! Wish for Destiny !!!

Hope, determination, courage, ambition, People keep saying that never give up your hope or if you are determined you will get it, be ambitious and you will receive what you seek. If all that is true then where is the thing call destiny falls into this jig-saw puzzle? If a mother of a sick child does not give up hope than is there a chance that the sick child will be cured even from a deadly disease like cancer......or is it in his destiny to die? If a person who is receiving series of failure doesn’t give up hope then it means he will succeed. If all that is, is really what actually is, then the “destiny” word should not have originated. But this is what not actually is because there is a thing called destiny, destiny which rules it all.

What if the person having series of failure has failure in store for him for a couple of years , that he is destined to loose but after some time the destiny would change and he will have success aftermath. But then what does really work for him the destiny? Or his hopes and determination? If destiny is already written then the words like hope and courage and determination and faith have been created by us just to keep us going through those turbulent times when destiny plays her cards against us. When our destiny does change the convenient credits are given to the courage that individual has shown during the hard times.

Then why don’t we just let things be sit tight and let destiny take its toll if the times are bad they will be good so just wait for it instead of fighting with the destiny. But we deny completely to believe that the destiny is ruling us all, I mean I could see people joining communities like “I make my own destiny” sort of things. It is because we are so confident of ourselves or just a phrase to hide the frustration and deny the hidden facts of life.

Some people do say that believing the things like destiny and fate can really stop us from doing the real work, Making the real decisions, or making choices, choices which makes us what we are today, people say making choices can change the toll of your life or basically your destiny. If you choose not to give up then one day an opportunity will come your way and you will get what you want but if you just sit there and let destiny do what ever it has planned for you then probably you will just keep waiting in vein.

But what I ask is what if we are not making choices but we are destined to make those choices, what we are is already written in our destiny and you are going through this not because of your good luck or hard work it is there because it was meant to be this way. Then why worry, why wait, why keep blaming your self for not being competent enough in your failures, or not praying enough, or not working enough, when we have control over nothing except ourselves. If your universe is predefined then why not just learn the definition and live peacefully instead of being pain to your self and changing what is never going to change.

I wrote all this probably because I chose to write it or I was destined to scribble my confusion, I don’t know. It’s just not only me but numerous of us who are struggling with this completely baffling funda of life. But yet we get up every morning, pray, move on, work, try and wish. Wish is all we do and all we can ask for…and if they do come true probably it’s your prayers and determination or probably its just destined to be. In the end what matters is that they should come true and sooner or later they always do. So, Lets just wish it’s us and our will and not our destiny that rules. Wish !!!

Written by - Ritika Patel